theeditedword: (Default)
theeditedword ([personal profile] theeditedword) wrote2013-09-22 04:39 pm


Let's start a relationship.

Because I see sadness in you, but also a glimpse of the child you once were. I will show you new things and convince you to leave your comfort zone. I'll be awesome and amazing and sure of myself. And you will lust and be loving and in awe. We'll explore and camp and snuggle and argue about dumb insignificant things, then kiss because none of it matters.

But you'll place me on the dream girl pedestal. And when I experience something emotionally draining -- most likely my dad dying in the next few months -- you will realize I have flaws and I'm not as all around confident for the first time. I will have to leave town. And you will stay behind.

You will freak out and cheat on me. Because you started drinking heavily again -- something you hadn't had the urge to do in months. You'll lie while I'm away. Then blurt it out.

I will not be able to handle talking about it. I wanted support after offering it to you all this time. I'll have dead eyes for the first time. And leave without saying good-bye.

I'll wonder if I'm doomed to love with all my heart and without fear, while getting taken for granted, since it's happened so many times before. I'll decide that I have no regrets. Because I enjoyed the time we spent together. I'll know I risked my heart. I'll know it was worth the pain to care for someone who needed help. I'll be the string one always. You will always need someone else to reaffirm your self worth. I will take a trip and explore new territory and meet new people and have new adventures.

You will settle into a safe routine. I will continue to give and to love as much as I can. I will try to change the world for the better. I will succeed in small ways, with the help of the amazing people I am lucky enough to love me wholly and keep me in their lives. I will surprise you one day and you will have regrets. I will laugh. And touch you on the arm. And shake my head about what a bad fit you'd be for me now. You never grew out of your shell of protection.

I left mine years ago and never looked back.